FYI: A “Blessing” is a herd of Unicorns.

UnicornMom /’yoonəˌ kôrn /mäm/ – noun A mother who’s not perfect, enjoys alcohol, has a sense of humor and couldn’t care less what you think.

WHO WE ARE

  • We’re the moms on the sidelines at our kids activities. The ones that are frantically searching for other Unicorn Moms to make eye contact with so we don’t look like losers sitting by ourselves.
  • We may have purple, blue, pink or any and all colors of the rainbow hair. Unicorn Moms truly don’t give a fuck if you think moms should have plain & boring hair. We love our hair!
  • We are Dorks and that’s O.K because we know it and embrace our Dorkness. If you’re not a Dork, you can’t sit with us. (Although we can make acceptations for Geeks & Nerds)
  • We may have tattoos. Yes, our kids have food and yes we pay our bills. We get tattoos because we like them and couldn’t give a flying fuck if you think it looks trashy or not.
  • Unicorn Moms wear *gasp* printed t-shirts. Sometimes we wear them with jeans or shorts and sometimes we wear them with frilly skirts. We wear whatever is comfortable.
  • On the subject of what we wear-sometimes we wear crazy outfits, headbands, and everything else that “perfect” moms wouldn’t be caught dead in. There’s a reason for this. We don’t WANT to look like them!
  • After making sure our crotch trophies are safely tucked in bed, we may have a drink or two. Being a mom is hard work and I’ll be damned if we don’t deserve to enjoy a mommy juice every once and awhile.
  • Some of us play video games. I’ve been playing World of Warcraft longer than most of my kids have been alive. My Night Elf Hunter is my baby! Don’t fuck with my achievements.
  • We don’t care about what goes on in your bedroom. Seriously, it doesn’t matter to us if you are poly, trans, bi, gay or any other color of the rainbow. We do who we do and you do whomever it is you do!

WHAT WE DO

  • We don’t go all judgey on each other. That’s why the Flying Spaghetti Monster created “perfect” moms.
  • Some of us sell shit. We do it to make a few bucks and feel like we actually contribute to the family more than just wiping asses and cleaning up dog poop all day. Or, we do it for social interaction so we don’t go absolutely psycho being in the house with our darling children all day long.
  • We are charitable. Unicorns have big frickin’ hearts. We’ll give you the fur off our back, but if you fuck with us…prepare to get trampled.
  • BEWARE: Some of us homeschool.
  • We have weird kids that we let dress how they want. They may have funky hairstyles and a quirky fashion style. We don’t care because it’s their frickin’ body not ours.
  • We don’t have pinterest perfect houses. I like color and I like to have things that make me happy. I sleep in a room painted XBox colors! Function has priority over looking like I pulled my living room out of a magazines ass.

WE TOTE OUR HORN!

  • “Perfect” moms Toot Their Horn. You know-post all over social media about how “perfect” their life is with their “perfect” family and “perfect” house. Although, we all know it’s bullshit and their lives are so miserable that they need justification from others.
  • Unicorn moms carry (Tote) Their Horns with pride! We wear our horns high on our heads and don’t care what anyone says.
  • We’re PROUD to be Unicorn Moms!